dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
