u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.