Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.