my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.