all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,