i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
why do cheetos always look like penises
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
