I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
