so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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