my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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