Already got asked if we're dating
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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