the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
