I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
