someone threw a dead crab at me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
