Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
