What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
there is glitter all over my balls
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