i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
