i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she pinky promised me she was 18
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
