I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
