I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
