I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
