I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
