You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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