I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
did you just send me my own nude
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize