So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
