I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.