Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Your tits are I can't wait for
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.