I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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