I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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