he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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