My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
