You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
