Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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