do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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