Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
