I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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