It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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