The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
