So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
