you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
