i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
