Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
