if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
