You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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