So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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