I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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