I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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