I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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