Do vagina's smell?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
