I'm jealous of your bromance
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
