i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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