So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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