to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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