youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
