carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
