you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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