get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
