I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
