I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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