Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
