yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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