Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
