Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.