i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.