If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again