I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.